Thursday, October 3, 2013
I'm not proud that we fight but I'm proud of how we fight.
Disagreement Advice for Adults ... 101
1. Never use the words "never" or "always". Nobody does anything never or always.
2. Start every sentence you can with "I feel". Even if it's "I feel you're an asshole."
3. Focus on the problem at hand. What happened yesterday can't be changed and what may happen tomorrow can't be accurately anticipated.
4. Listen... Repeat... Respond. If what you repeated is not what they said, you have identified the feelings at the root of the argument.
Him "The kids were late to school today."
Her "So you're saying I'm a terrible mother."
5. Stay in the room. This goes beyond "never go to bed angry". You may still be angry, but you've been fighting so long that you no longer care you're angry. That's usually the point where the fight evaporates and what's left is love.