Monday, May 21, 2012

.. of Personal Style

Just came across this post on Style & Pepper, a blog I only recently started following. I found it intriguing, maybe more so because it's raining and it's Monday. I know... I know.. *mini violin*. Got it. So what follows is a list of the "things" I identified with most. Now since I barely have any readers at all I am posting this not as a "things I am afraid to tell you" but as a quick note of recognition that, not only were a lot of the "things" the same from blogger to blogger but, I can relate to a lot of them as well. People are never as different as they may first appear.

(the following are not my words)

1. I am alone a LOT. does this mean that I'm lonely? Occasionally.

2. I constantly feel like I don't know what I'm doing. and everyone else around me seems to have it all figured out. Which I know is not true.

3. Business is not booming. starting a business is HARD. I knew that it was going to be a lot of hard work going into it, but for some reason that doesn't really mean anything until you're in the thick of it. I'm enthusiastic and confident about 70% of the time, and the other 30% goes from discouraged to self-doubt. I've wondered if this is even what I should be doing with my life. No overnight success here, and no rolling in the dollar bills.

4. I wear glasses because I love them, not because I can't see without them. I wear them like an accessory, and particularly on days when I'm short on time.

5. I can't keep my 900 sq. foot apartment clean. I can't. I don't know why, it's not even big! How do people keep 3 bedroom houses clean? Something in my house is always messy. Always.

6. I'm an introvert. though I constantly have to be social and outgoing, I find being around people for extended periods of time emotionally draining. I fake it pretty well, but I'm actually quite shy.

7. My boyfriend and I are madly in love. I'm afraid to tell people this because I have a lot of friends around my age (29) who are still searching for Mr. Right or, heaven forbid, in a dissolving marriage or relationship. I know how hard (and scary) that must be and I fear making them jealous by letting them know how happy I am and how good he is to me. He spoils me with love and affection, he supports and understands my hopes and dreams, he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, he adapts and compromises for us, he's always a gentleman, he's always emotionally available for me, and he's the most romantic man I've ever known. I tend to downplay our love to the world, but really, I want to scream at the tops of my lungs, "I love this man!"

8. I crave more professional reassurance. when you have a start-up and are an entrepreneur, it's a lonely and scary (albeit exciting and invigorating) experience. No one will ever truly understand the pressures you feel or the weight you hold on your shoulders because it's unique and specific to your own path.

9. I had a few breakdowns last year. not hospital-level or anything, but I don't really break down - and I definitely don't tell people about it. I'm a pretty have-it-together type of person. However, it's been a rough few years, and last year took the cake.

10. I don't feel successful yet. my expectations for myself are high. HIGH high. It will take a lot for me to feel truly satisfied with the work I've done. 

11. I am extraordinarily hard on myself. sometimes to the point that when I take a step back and think about it, I worry that no matter what I do in life, it'll never be enough.

12. I am terrified of failure. in any way, shape, or size. It stems from my horrible control freak tendencies.

13. I'm a hater. yup I drink the hatorade. I (not so) secretly hate on 25 year olds who are married, appear to have it all together and live in gorgeous homes. Seriously, how can you afford that designer pad? Did your Daddy pay for it? Are you legitimately that successful 3 years after undergrad? Either way, I'm jealous. I'm also jealous that certain blogs have much bigger followings than mine. And you know what, some of those blogs are just fricking terrible. I watch House Hunters just so that I can mock the homeowners.

14. I have pretty severe anxiety. which I thankfully - have been able to control by myself without medication.

15. Vision of health? despite my best efforts, I only make it to the gym twice a month, if I'm lucky. I drink wine more nights than not. I love coffee.

Did you relate to any of these "things"? Let me know!